Taking Daisy Away

After Daisy was born I was having a hard time staying awake. Also, everything I raised my head about my heart I began to vomit. I really didn't have much of a chance to be with Daisy at all. I held her on my chest for awhile, but the nurses kept monitoring her.

Our pediatrician came to examine Daisy and explained that because of her breathing difficulties that she wanted Daisy to remain in the nursery to be monitored. She also wanted to sending some blood to Davis for some testing. We began to worry.

I was put into a recovery room and Tom went home with our children to get them settled. Only later, about 9 pm was I greeted by the on-call pediatrician who explained to me - as I layed alone in my hospital bed - that he wanted to send Daisy to UCDavis Medical Center where she could be monitored in the NICU. He explained that she wasn't processing oxygen properly. My heart began to race, and my whole body began to shake. My teeth began to chatter - this is something that I have never experienced before - and I realize now that I was in shock. I called Tom immediately, hysterical and begged him to come back. He said he would and I then pleaded with the nurses to help me get to be with my daughter before they took her. Oh the horror I felt. I began to fear that I wouldn't have a chance to be with her again. I couldn't sit up, I could only barely move and here they were going to take my little girl away before I even got the chance to see her.

The nurses gave me Reglan (sp?) which helped me to be able to sit up, but made me very drowsy. As they were wheeling me into the local NICU unit, which only has room for 2 babies, Tom came in. I held Daisy, and tried to stay awake as the transport team arrived. They took Daisy out of my arms and placed her in a plastic bubble. I remember that she opened her eyes and looked at us, as if to plead with Tom and I. It was horrifying to say goodbye - hoping that we'd see her again very soon but realizing that something could go wrong. Tom made plans to go to UCDavis the next day and I spent that night crying, and trying to pump breast milk for our little girl.

Perhaps the worst thing was having to stay in that hospital, without my little girl and without my husband. Tom had to go home to our other children, which left me alone. In the next recovery room I could hear the most beautiful sound - a healthy child crying. However, with every cry my heart broke because I wanted my little girl and it was a constant reminder that she was gone from me. My mind was wandering, wondering what could be wrong. I researched what I could online with the computer Tom left me - as our pediatrician was concerned about a muscular disorder - but nothing could prepare me for what was to happen.