Friday

My husband, Tom, came by the hospital the next day, Friday, on his way to UCDavis Medical Center to see Daisy and find out more information. He picked up the breast milk that I had been able to pump through the night. We talked briefly about what could be wrong with our little girl and away he went.

I spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon napping a bit, crying, and researching possible syndromes on the internet in an attempt to gather more information. Tom called me from the hospital that afternoon, his voice sounded strained and thick. "What is it Tom?" He replied, "The doctor think it's a one in three chance that she has trisomy 18." I knew in an instant what that meant and I began to cry. On the other end of the phone line I could hear Tom fighting to not cry himself, in vain. "Oh Tommy, no. God, no." I cried. I asked a few questions about how she was, what she was doing but it was too hard through the tears. Tom told me that he had been holding her, and singing to her. I told Tom that I loved him, and that I wanted him to tell Daisy that I loved her too.

I was all alone when Tom broke the news to me. I cried and cried - horrible gut wrenching tears that racked my body. It hurt to cry so hard, my incision from surgery was still fresh. I called my mother, and begged her to come. I then called my friend Charlotte, my great friend Charlotte. Upon hearing the tears in my voice she didn't even ask what was wrong, she just asked "Do you want me to come?" I said yes and Charlotte was there shortly to cry with me, to hold me, to be my friend.

Charlotte is the type of friend you always wanted to have. She's smart and astute, and ever generous. She calls it like she sees it, but never wants to offend anyone. She's there in a heartbeat if you need her - and that day, I needed her. Charlotte is one of these friends that you hang on to - that you share your life with. She is ever steady and pure of heart.

Tom came later that day with our children. We tried to put on brave faces for them, and just spend a few moments together. I really wanted just Tom, so that together we could cry in each other's arms - but our kids needed us and they needed to feel like life was going to be okay. I just wish that at that time I could have believed this myself.