Driving Home

As Tom and I drove home from the hospital we talked about what to do next. We decided that we would wait until Thursday for the test results, and if they came back with a report of Trisomy 18, we would let Daisy return to God. Even now, as I write this I feel the tears well in my eyes and a tightness return to my chest. We called our priest to have Daisy baptized, and Tom bravely contacted the funeral home. Ok, now I am sobbing at the memory of this.

At the time, we had decided that we would face this - and we would face it bravely. We would do right by our little girl. We wanted to bring her home, but at that moment, it looked grim that Daisy would be able to survive even walking out to the car. It was important to me, very important to me, that if my little girl was going to leave this world, that she would leave it in my arms - with Tom there. We created her together and we would be there together as she left to be with God. She is our child, I kept thinking - and we have to do it right - right by her, and right by ourselves. I never imagined that I would have to contemplate this sort of thing.

What kept me afloat? Tom, certainly the strength of my husband. But our other children, their bright faces, their hugs, and even their tantrums. I had to keep living, I had to keep moving and doing. What also helped was knowing that this did not have to be the biggest event in my life. We could have another child if we wished. Although another child would never replace Daisy, it God intended that Daisy was to return to his realm, then maybe we all had something to learn from her short stay and we would be better parents, and better people for it.